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A Vital Hotdog Function cassette, possibly bootlegged.

Vital Hotdog Function (VHF) is the official band of the One True Thread. Though nobody has ever heard their music, the group has released several albums of catchily titled, RELATED tracks.

VHF: The band no-one has heard, but everyone is talking about

Albums by VHF[]

Problematic C**kie[]


Problematic C**kie album cover

Track No. Title[1] Comments
1 Beanish ToCuegish()
2 Problematic C**kie Title Track
3 Hotdog Infused Brain
4 Lingering M*stard Explicit
5 Constructive M*stard Explicit
6 Random Faraday Cage
7 Three Letter Oddity

Variable M*stard[]

Track No. Title Comments
1 Gravitationally Inclined Molpy
2 Bitter Singles
3 Apologies to Yappo
4 Corageous Gorgonzola
5 Undefined Reason
6 V.B.H.F Vital Bacon and the Hotdog Functions
7 Variable M*stard Title Track

Zanclean Dishwasher[]

Track No. Title Comments
1 Rotating Chronological Awareness Device
2 Happy Timiversary Originally by the Tiny River Band[2]
3 Unintentional Punsaw
4 Zanclean Dishwasher Title Track
5 Zanclean Contingency Zanclean Dishwasher, part 2

Classic Defenestration[]

Track No. Title Comments
1 We Always Need More Rampaging Otters
2 Classic Defenestration Title Track
3 Molpy Sideways
4 Wilhelm Scream
5 The (Sea) as Always is Playing Our Song

Obelisk Up Yo Chair[]

Full tracklist unknown, but tracks include:[3]

  • Victim to the Bucket[4]
  • Octopus Punchup
  • Molpies at Play
VHF - Brain on Bicycles

Brain On Bicycles album cover

Brain On Bicycles[]

New album[5]; album art already published but tracklist still unknown

Catastrophic Ball Failure[]

Announced album[6], tracklist still unknown

Perpetual Fiancéship[]

Believed to be an album by VHF[1], possibly apocryphal. Its chronological place in the VHF discography is unknown. Tracks on the album are rumored to include Plural Babies and Arbitrary Wenches but are otherwise also unknown.


Storming Yewr Castle album art

Regicide by Hotdog[]

Believed to be a progrock album by VHF[7], possibly apocryphal. Its chronological place in the VHF discography and its tracklist are unknown.

Storming Yewr Castle[]

Only the album art is known of this album.

Songs not associated with an album[]

  • The Cueball Video (Mirror) (Song ottification by Eternal Density, based on The Picard Song by DarkMateria)
  • Just Don't Call Me Late For Supper, title song for the TV cooking show "Grapes on the Vine"[8]