xkcd Time Wiki

They don't exist, we promise....


The existence of the Temporal Illuminati was hypothesized about newpix 449. This was likely due to the existence of the established churches, the The Knights Temporal and the Sand Masons. The existence of the Illuminati have then been denied and no knowledge of them have been acknowledged. This is despite the nomination of some of their members and activities in the fora[1][2].

Rituals & Influence[]

We swear there are no rituals and they have no influence as they do not exist. Especially involving the Pope, the The Book of Time, the Religion, or any other aspect of The One True Comic. And the rituals definitely do not involve worshipping the Red Spiders.


As stated previously, the Temporal Illuminati do not exist, we swear.[3]

Totally not a secret message to the members of the Temporal Illuminati[]

Unun! Bhe cynaf sbe gehr qbzvangvba bs Gvzr naq gur bar gehr pbzvp ner tbvat nf cynaarq. Vg jvyy bayl or n znggre bs gvzr orsber jr unir pbageby bs obgu gur cnfgcvk, pheeragcvk, naq arjcvk. Naq gura jr pna erirny bhe gehr tbny, vpr pernz sbe rirelbar!

Jnvg... gung'f abg vg, ubyq ba, fbzrbar purpx gur zvahgrf sebz gur ynfg tenaq pbhapvy zrrgvat V guvax fbzrguvat tbg zvfjevggra. Jnvg, ner lbh genafpevovat guvf? Ner lbh fher? Gura jul ner lbh fgvyy jevgvat? Nu, V frr, jryy guvf fubhyqa'g or erpbeqrq naljnl. Jr jnag gur Grzcbeny Vyyhzvangv gb fgnl n zlfgrel.

Abj jung jnf V tbvat gb trg sbe yhapu, V jnf guvaxvat n fnaqjvpu, ohg V unq gung lrfgreqnl. Nalbar hc sbe Oheevgbf? Ab, jryy V jvyy whfg tb gura, ner lbh fher? Bx.